


Power of Love and the Power of Healing, The

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Political, Post Bartlett Administration, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-22
Updated: 2007-09-22
Packaged: 2019-05-31 04:02:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15111404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: "I just don't know how much time I have.  Do I have time for indecision?"





	Power of Love and the Power of Healing, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: It was important for me, as well as Gillian to tie up this series with a bow. It has been a labor of love for both of us, and I have written this chapter with her blessing. The title comes from the Billy Joel song All About Soul. This is for Grace.  


* * *

Monday morning came much too soon for Jed’s taste. Hoping to fit one more game of chess in before Leo was gone again; he set his alarm early. Abbey had grown accustomed to more leisurely sleeping patterns since the end of the administration, so he quietly snuck from bed as she turned over. Creeping down the hallway as not to wake his daughter, son, and grandson, he knocked lightly on the door to Leo’s room.

“Leo?” he whispered. “Are you awake?” Cracking the door, Jed stuck his head in the room. His friend had not moved, and Claudia Jean seemed to be unconscious. Carefully tiptoeing toward the bed, he touched Leo’s shoulder, shaking it lightly. “Leo, wake up.”

“Jed?” Leo opened his eyes. “What are you doing in here?”

“I wanna play chess.”

“You what? What time is it?”

“Quarter after five. Get up; I don’t want to wake CJ.”

“Too late,” groaned a groggy voice next to Leo. “Go Leo, so I can go back to sleep.”

Leo looked from his disgruntled lover to his over eager best friend. Jed was smiling and nodding rapidly, agreeing with CJ.

“Fine, I’m getting up.” Leo smiled as he watched Jed light up like a kid on Christmas. He looked as though he might start jumping up and down and clapping pretty soon. “Are you gonna give me a minute to get decent?”

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, my friend. Just hurry up and put your robe on.”

Grumbling, Leo swung his legs over the side of the bed and shivered. “God, it’s fucking cold here.”

Jed held up his robe and Leo slipped into it, trying to warm up. He found his sweatpants, pulling them on before leaning over to kiss CJ.

“Sorry we woke you, baby. Go back to sleep.”

“Uh huh.” she mumbled and he laughed, turning to Jed.

They descended the stairs. Leo didn’t know how the whole house didn’t wake when they creaked. Maybe everything seemed louder to him because his brain had yet to wake. “Please tell me you started the coffee pot.”

“I’m sure Marta did. You wanna play on the porch or in the den?”

Leo glared at his friend.

“Okay, okay,” Jed said. “We’ll play in the den.”

“Thank you.”

***

By 9:30, Leo and CJ were halfway to the airport, this time accompanied by the CIA. They were not going to let him fly into Dulles unescorted. Leo had been silent since the car pulled away from the farm, gripping CJ’s hand tighter as the miles between them and Manchester increased.

“When did you tell Jed we would be back?”

Leo seemed startled by her voice; he had faded so far away into memories that he momentarily forgot her presence.

“I didn’t. I wanted to but…”

CJ nodded slowly. She should have anticipated the psychological shutdown at the distance from the former President. Leo and Jed had a very symbiotic relationship…they had weathered so many challenges together; it was sometimes difficult for one to cope without the other. CJ witnessed it firsthand during the last few months of the Administration. Even after she became Chief of Staff, Jed still relied heavily on his old friend. The day she informed him of Leo’s death was undoubtedly the worst of Jed’s life. He had not fully recovered until a few days ago, just hours in the expanse of human life, when he saw Leo McGarry standing on his front porch.

***

A government issued, darkly tinted sedan ushered Leo and CJ from the airport to the back entrance of the Watergate. It was strange for CJ; she had not been to D.C. since the Santos Inauguration. The night of January 20th she boarded a plane and met Danny in San Francisco. They turned around and spent ten days in Greece. She had never been under the illusion that she would not someday return to the nation's capital, but this was beyond her wildest imagination. She wore street clothes and Leo had a ball cap over his eyes.

When they arrived at the door to their suite, the two CIA agents flanking them turned off to take their posts at either end of the hallway.

“Nothing has changed.” CJ mumbled, surveying the inside of the room.

“It’s only been a year since we were here. They never redecorate in the same decade.”

“It feels like a lifetime.”

Leo’s response caught in his throat when he saw the tears shining in her eyes. She was absolutely beautiful, a vision of gorgeous grace. For the first time since he returned, he also noticed the toll the last year had taken on her. The dark circles under her eyes and weary posture that had characterized her tenure as Chief of Staff were now gone. 

She appeared to be getting enough sleep, and the California sun worked wonders. Still, he recognized the heartbreak of his absence in the little lines in her face and the self-protective manner in which she stood. One more tragedy would break her into pieces. In that moment, he loathed himself more than all the previous feelings of self-hatred in his life.

She had loved him completely, and he wanted to be Vice-President. She put their dreams of the future on hold, only to have them torn from her grasp prematurely. She had suffered and it was his fault. Moisture welled in his eyes, too, as his voice cracked.

“Please forgive me.”

The words broke the spell and she flew into his arms, pinning him against the wall.

“Shh,” she whispered, kissing his tears as the mingled with her own. “You are here now and that is all that matters. Do you understand me?”

He grinned half-heartedly. “Yes, ma’am.”

With that, he squirmed out of her embrace and swept her off her feet. She squealed at first, giggling, before he laid her gently on the bed. He kissed her face, his caresses increasingly fervent as he made his way to the top of her collarbone. He peeled the shirt off her body, exposing a satin nude colored bra. Her nipples pushed against the thin fabric and he licked his lips. She was so beautiful and he had to have her.

Lying underneath him in the familiar setting, everything came flooding back to her. How many times had they repeated this exact intimate act in this very bed? Once, she held such hope for them but as he worshipped her body, CJ could not let go of the past year. She thought of Danny and their life in San Francisco. She thought of the difficulty she had moving on after that day at Arlington. 

Since going to Lafayette Park, she had been floating in a bubble. The bubble burst abruptly by feeling him enter her body as if nothing had happened. He smelled the same, whispered the same, kissed her body and her mouth as if he had been doing it regularly for the last year. His life stopped and hers had gone on. As much as she wanted him, and needed him, her mind could not reconcile in the moment that this was not somehow wrong.

Almost against her conscious will, he brought her to climax easily. Suddenly she was uneasy in his presence and that left an ache in her stomach. As soon as he rolled off her body, she vacated the bed and got dressed.

“Where are you going?” he inquired, willing himself to be calm about her rapid movements.

“To get today’s Times.” She pulled her sweater over her head and reached for the door handle, obviously attempting to flee as quickly as possible.

“I can have a paper sent up here.” he climbed out of bed, walking toward her naked. His arms wrapped around her body; her clothes scratching his skin. “If you need fresh air, I completely respect that. Just don’t run away from me under the guise of something else.”

“I’m so glad you’re here Leo, I just…” she sighed, leaning down to rest her forehead on his.

“I know baby. I'm overwhelmed and I knew I wasn’t dead. I can only imagine how you must feel; I'm sure I'm imagining wrong. Get outta here, Claudia Jean.” He stroked her cheek. “I’ll be ready to go when you get back.”

She smiled through shiny eyes. “Thank you.” A quick peck on the lips and she was gone.

Making his way over to the bed, he moaned as he lowered himself onto it. He wouldn’t trade the past few days for anything in the world, but CJ’s youth and vivacity in bed starting to take a toll on his old body.

Maybe he was being too hard on himself as well as his beautiful companion. The emotional strain of reintegrating into a world he had not part of for a year was trying at best. The thought of seeing his little girl again, and the grandchild he had missed, weighed heavily as well. He felt his heartbreak when he saw a picture of how much Brian had grown. How would he handle seeing his own granddaughter? Would Mallory yell? His shoulders sunk a bit further when considering his daughter’s redheaded temper.

Trying not to dwell on the negative, Leo got up and took a shower. Nothing had been the same in Cuba; the humidity never allowed him to feel truly clean. Glad to be back in a shower with fully adjustable water temperature, he took his time.

Twenty minutes later he stepped out, pulling a towel off the rack to dry his face. He heard music in the other room and peeked through the door to see CJ’s back. She was looking out of the large picture window, a cup of coffee in one hand and some kind of paper in the other. He recognized Cassandra Wilson singing The Last Train to Clarksville. 

How many times had she played this song over the last year and thought of him? How many times had she curled around a pillow and cried for him? Had Danny tried to comfort her? Oh God, Danny…CJ had a husband. A man that Leo was positive loved her very much. It was quite impossible not to love CJ. What had they done together while he was gone? Did they take long walks? Perhaps cuddle together on the couch, touching each other? Did they think of getting a dog and possibly having a child? Oh God, they made love. Maybe they made love a lot…CJ had a very voracious sexual appetite. Leo was sure they had but he was not going to ask how much.

He closed the door softly before going back to the bedroom naked. There was a crisp black suit, white dress shirt, and silver blue tie lying across the bed. His cologne was ready. So was his lotion, cufflinks, watch…it was as if he never left. Suddenly, a need overcame him and did not go away even when he tried to press it back. Sliding into his boxers, Leo sat on the bed and picked up the phone. It might not be her number anymore and this might get him in trouble, but he was going to try.

He dialed it from memory. It rang three times before he hung up. What the hell was he thinking? Was he out of his mind? OK McGarry, you are just going to turn everyone’s life upside down. What right do you have? Well, he was going to have to do it anyway so he might as well get it over with. He dialed the number again, this time taking deep breaths as the long rings began.

“Hello.”

“Mallory?”

“Who is this?”

“Mallory, it’s…”

There was a long pause. Mallory said hello into the phone a couple of times, asking who was there.”

“Mallory, its daddy.”

“Who the hell is this? What kind of game are you playing you bastard.”

“Mal, it’s me. Don’t hang up sweetheart; I can prove it. Um, when you were seven years old you took the scissors and gave yourself a haircut. It took months for the bald spots to grow back in. You used to crawl into bed with mom and me during thunderstorms because you were scared. Every Christmas we took you to see the tree lighting ceremony and you would beg and beg until I took you skating. And I never drank on those nights and you asked Santa to make me sober for Christmas.”

“Mom told you about that? Dad?”

“Mallory I'm not dead. And I know how insane that sounds and I know your shock will wear off and it will turn to hate. But I need to see you and tell you what's happened. It’s almost too crazy to comprehend.”

“I saw you…in the hospital…at the funeral home.”

“I know. Please just come to the Watergate at seven and I will do my best to explain it. This wasn’t my choice and now I'm left holding the bag on how to fix it.”

“You're not dead.” She was sobbing now and Leo wished he could reach out and brush the tears from her cheek as he had done so many times when she was growing up.

“No, meet me at the Watergate at seven. CJ is here with me and we’re staying in my old suite for a little while.”

“CJ?”

“I will have to explain that too. Don’t tell anyone we talked, even your mother.”

“But dad…”

“Mal, it’s for the best right now. I’ll tell you everything but we have to take it one step at a time.”

“OK. I’ll be there. I love you so much and I will tell you everyday; I promise.”

“I love you too. Bye now.”

“Bye.”

Leo hung up the phone, staring into space for a moment. He had done it. Mallory knew he was alive and even if she was waiting until they were face to face to kill him again, things were calm for the moment. When he could hold off no longer, Leo got dressed and went into the living room.

“I've been served.” CJ said, holding out the paper.

Not knowing what she meant, he took the papers and looked at them. Sure enough, Danny served her with divorce papers. He worked fast. Leo scanned them and remembered what it was like with bitter familiarity. Even when you know its coming, it still took the wind out of your sails. 

He glanced at CJ, seeing that it had definitely done that to her. This was too much for all of them. How was he ever going to make it up to her? It would take a lot more than a bauble and an expensive vacation. Leo’s eyes scanned down until he found the grounds …fraud and abandonment. Fraud? Wow, he knew when to hit below the belt. Who knew Concannon could be so vicious?

“I don’t want to be late.” Leo said for lack of anything else.

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Go and get back your life.”

“I'm not sure if I'm ready.”

“I'm sure that I have absolutely no advice for you.”

“What do you say when apologies aren’t enough.” He asked.

“Nothing. Go Leo, you'll be late.”

He nodded. He wanted to kiss her goodbye but did not. He just sighed and left the suite. They were going to make sense of this soon, just not tonight.

***

CJ had lunch and two glasses of Chardonnay before she called Danny. She did not know how long Leo was going to be gone but she was grateful for the time to breathe. She doubted she had taken a real breath since she saw him in Lafayette Park. How the hell was she really going to wrap her mind around this? 

Leo was alive…it still didn’t feel real. How was the world going to handle it? That would have to wait. Right now, she had to pick up the shards of her life and glue them back together. A week ago, her whole future was laid out like the yellow brick road. What a difference seven days made. She took a deeper breath, dialed the number, and prepared herself.

“Danny Concannon.”

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I was served with divorce papers this afternoon.”

“So you are at the Watergate? I figured he would be comfortable at his old home. There is no reason to draw this out CJ. You don’t want to be with me and I don’t plan to hold onto you.”

“Fraud Danny? That is a bit cold.”

“You have been in love with another man the whole time we were married.” He said.

“Leo was…” she could not bring herself to say dead anymore.

“He was the only man you loved. You did not even tell me about it.”

“How could I? What did it matter?”

“It mattered when he showed up in our living room. You just left with him CJ. You are my wife and you left with another man. You did not even think about staying.”

“I love him. My God, I'm sorry but I love him.”

“Why do you think I want to hear that? If you love him so much, sign the papers.”

“I never meant to hurt you. When the dust clears you are going to know that.”

“Take about not mattering. You broke my heart. I have loved you since the day we met. That’s not news to you. All you had to do was say no. You walked into this relationship knowing that you were never going to love me like you loved him. CJ, even if you were still here there would be a strain. There has been one from the very start.”

“What strain Danny; I thought we were happy.” She was not as happy as she thought she should be but that had nothing to do with her husband. “You could’ve said no too.”

“Did you when he asked you to go? Love makes you forget all of the bad times.”

“Then I hope in time you can forget me.”

“That’s never going to happen. Just sign the papers, OK.”

“I am not going to sign papers stating that I frauded you Danny. You have got to be kidding me. Don’t do this. I was a good wife.”

“I hate you right now!” he exclaimed. “Claudia Jean…” his voice cracked.

“Danny…please.”

She heard the click in her ear and knew the only sound on the other end of the phone was the echo of her breathing. She finally placed the phone back on its charger and curled up on the couch. The moan that escaped her lips was painful, and the fast, hot tears followed. CJ clutched her chest and just let the pain go. She cried for Leo, she cried for everyone who loved him, she cried for Danny and the future they were never going to have. She cried because she was alone in waters she had never navigated.

Did she love Leo enough to start out on a new journey with no clear destination? The past year without him had been painful, lonely, and sometimes even scary. But people did not come back from the dead…she had to move on. She had to work, go to movies, love, laugh, and keep getting out of her bed. Except Leo came back. He did something that just isn’t done and as wonderful as it felt, it made everything in life seem unreal.

CJ Concannon had rules, rituals; ways she did things. There were dark shadows in her life without him, but there had been bursts of light too. She, Charlie, and Margaret had become an odd but unbreakable Three Musketeers. Charlie looked after his girls and they clung to each other as they tried to save the world one village and roadway at a time. They would max out on Margaret’s couch or on Charlie’s deck, sipping beer and contemplating the future.

Sometimes the need to talk about Leo was almost tangible, but they rarely did. Sometimes CJ and Margaret did alone but then one or both of them would start to sob and it got messy. There were moments of pure joy with Danny. Sunday mornings in bed with all the best papers, walks in the park or to the grocery store at dusk. Arguing about everything from politics to weather to who was a real or bottled blonde amongst the many anchors on CNN until Danny would declare it over with a gentle kiss on her nose. That kiss always turned to lovemaking…CJ could count on one hand the number of times it had not.

Danny had been a generous and receptive lover; it was not his fault she didn’t give 100%. She watched Brian toddle around breaking things with that high-pitched giggle of his and saw the mixture of anticipation, fear, and intense love in Charlie’s big brown eyes whenever he talked about Zoey’s pregnancy. CJ was starting to feel the little pull inside of her; this was her last chance. She was not a young woman anymore.

The conversation with Danny was short and not very in depth but CJ knew he wanted to be a father. Maybe a cute little redhead with his freckles and her smile. Now that was all over. CJ was following her previously dead lover all over the country as he went on a quest to get his life back. What about her life? OK, there was no need to be theatrical, she and Leo left San Francisco less than a week ago. Margaret was perfectly able to hold down the fort for the time being. If she trusted the woman with her life, which she did, she could trust her with the funds, phones, and investors.

CJ wiped the drying tears from her eyes, going into the bathroom to wash her face. She needed air…needed to get the hell out of this hotel suite. It was starting to feel like one of those insane sci-fi films Danny sometimes subjected her to. Memories of the past and present converging on her, driving her over the edge of insanity. She went over to the table, sat down with a piece of hotel stationery, and started writing. When she was finally done CJ got her purse and coat from the closet. She quietly left the hotel suite, not looking back.

***

Leo unbuttoned the top two buttons on his shirt as he stepped off the elevator. It had been a long day. Hours of meetings with the CIA, FBI, Secret Service and only half an hour break to see his daughter at a renegotiated location before heading to the White House. Matthew Santos had many more questions than answers. He was so happy that Leo was alive; told him he didn’t have to fake his own death because he didn’t want to be the Vice-President. Leo was able to give him a little information about the story that would break later that afternoon during The Situation Room. Castro was dead and democracy had risen in Cuba. It only cost him a year of his life.

The President of the United States was shocked that he, in no way, shape, or form knew that a dictator just ninety miles away was on his deathbed. He wondered aloud why the CIA had to do what they did to Leo…why didn’t they just ask. Leo knew there was going to be fallout from what happened; there was a new CIA Director and he was not happy about the goings on. The time for clandestine missions and pulling the wool over the public’s eyes was over. Leo did what he needed to do; his life was once again his own. Now the world would have to try to comprehend.

He didn’t want to think about that just now, all he wanted was a long soak in the tub with CJ’s legs wrapped around his fatigued body. He hated to drag her down with him, but he needed her more than he thought possible. Soon they would have to have a real conversation about the future. Danny filed for divorce…the Concannon marriage was over. What did that mean for their future? Did CJ want to marry him? Would she ever be able to forgive him for what he put her through? 

He sighed, sliding the keycard into the door. He was going to have to get over himself. Life had gone on without him and he was just going to have to move on. That year was gone…nothing could be done to bring it back. After months, hell a year, of virtual captivity he could finally breathe the air of a free man. The road ahead would still be rocky, but the hardest part was most definitely over. Leo wished he could take CJ to 701 tonight and slow dance to one of their magnificent torch singers. He wanted to feel her slender body in his arms; her breath on his cheek. Laughing about something only they knew, feeling her fingers stroking the back of his hair and the nape of his neck.

“CJ?” he dropped his keys and wallet on the table by the couch, sinking into the familiar depths of the cushions. “How was your day? Did you talk to Danny?”

When his query was met with silence, he lifted his head from the pillow.

“CJ?”

Maybe she was sleeping. Today had drained them all. They had a long drive, a long flight, and hours trapped in what used to be a paradise for them. Divorce papers were never fun either. He was sure when she thought of her future after his death she never imagined any of this. What happened today hurt her, that much was clear.

“Baby?” he pushed the door to the bedroom open slowly. The bed was made and a note sat on his pillow. The feeling in his stomach told him to proceed with caution…nothing would ever be the same after he read what she had to say.

He sat on the bed, eyeing the letter with his name in her perfect script. It was appropriate, he supposed, that it would come to this. He had done the same to her not five days ago.

Leo,

I have to go home and talk to my husband. I have to try to fix things with Danny, even if I can't, even if I was not necessarily happy. Well I was happy, but I can't even remember what life was like six days ago. I can't remember anything before you walked back into my life. That is not fair to me. I'm forgetting something that I should remember; it was mine. Everything happened so fast, first you were dead and now you're not, and that is not supposed to happen. None of this is your fault. It's no one's fault but I have to leave. Don’t follow me; I need some room to breathe Leo. I need time to let this insanity sink in. We can meet again when things are a little bit clearer. That's it...I have to clear my head. With all my heart I love you and I have never stopped, but life did go on and I cannot just abandon it. 

Forever,  
Claudia Jean

Shit! Shit, shit, damn! Picking up the phone, Leo called the only number he knew was still the same.

“Hello?”

“She left me, Jed.”

“Yeah.” A deep sigh echoed through the phone. “You want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“You do, or you wouldn’t have called.”

“Who the hell am I to think she was going to drop everything to be with me? You know what, I was stupid enough to think she was waiting for me. Who would wait for a dead man! How could I have been so stupid? How could they do this to me…they took away everything. I was getting a second chance and the goddamn CIA just snatched it from me.”

“Calm down Leo.”

“Calm down!”

“Yes!” Jed raised his voice. “You’ve had a massive heart attack and I have MS. We don’t need to get all worked up.”

Leo nodded, though Jed could not see that. He took a few deep breaths, sitting down again on the couch. She asked for space, he would have to give her that. He didn’t have a choice in the matter.

“OK. I'm going to stay in town for a little while. Once this story breaks I am not going to be able to get a moment’s rest. I've seen Mal but Jenny still doesn’t know. I also sat down with the President. The new Director is pissed off so I think some people are going to be led to the guillotine before this is all over. Don’t expect me to be there crying over their heads. They have me for seven days and then…”

“Then you come and spend some time with Abbey and I. You need to rest Leo.”

“I've spent the past year resting.”

“Getting Fidel to agree to democracy? No, I'm not really seeing too many afternoon naps and long walks on the beach.”

“No offense friend, but Manchester is about to turn cold as hell. I'm used to tropical locales. Hey, the house in Maui is still mine. Let’s take Abbey on little vacation. How would she feel about a week or so away?”

“She’s busy at the hospital. Maybe just the two of us…if you can handle it.”

“I can handle it. It’ll be great. OK, I need a shower and some food. I have a long night ahead of me and a lot of thinking to do. Call you tomorrow?”

“I’ll be here. I love you.”

“Love you too Jed. Bye.” 

***

Sipping a glass of mediocre red wine, CJ looked out the window at the snow-covered fields of Kansas. First class was terrific but had nothing on Air Force One. Then she remembered all that came with that privilege…the late nights, the gunshots, and the press fights. She smiled ever so slightly and then frowned. What was she going back to? Margaret was there; Charlie and Zoey would bring baby Eli home early next week. She called him in the airport. As usual, he brought her down from the edge. She was confused, crying, and scared. Charlie wished more than anything that he could be there with her. This was something she had to do on her own.

She woke again as they landed at San Francisco International Airport. She didn’t even have a bag, having run from the hotel suite with nothing but the clothes on her back. At least she had her coat. The weather at home was chilly; raining. In a cab she gave her address and tried to think what was next. She didn’t even know what time it was because she changed her watch to accommodate East Coast time. It was probably about two in the morning. Her house was dark as they pulled up. CJ paid, sighed, and went in to handle the rest of her life.

There was no need to bother with lights. She slipped off her shoes and walked soundlessly up the stairs to the master bedroom. Danny was asleep on his side of the bed. She remembered that she loved to watch him sleep, just like Leo. So quiet, so peaceful; nothing troubling on his mind. Even with all the trouble she put him through and he was sleeping soundly. She crept into the room and slipped into bed beside him. Wrapping her arms around him, Danny sighed and then relaxed against her.

“I'm home.” She whispered.

“For good?”

“Danny…”

He took a deep breath, reaching to turn on the lamp. They both squinted and then he looked at his wife. She looked frazzled, tired, and older than her years. The need to touch her face was overwhelming and Danny surrendered to it.

“You look awful.”

“How did you survive at the Post? You have an awful way with words.”

“I just tell the truth. Did you leave him?”

“Yeah.”

“Forever?”

“I can't.” she shook her head.

“Then what are you doing here?”

“This is my home. He needs to get things settled and I do too.”

“So sign the papers. You can't get more settled than that.”

“Fraud Danny? I would never do that to you. I know that you're angry.”

“You have no damn idea how I feel.”

He got out of the bed and started to pace the floor. She just watched him in his silly green plaid boxers and Hanes tee shirt. 

“I have no idea how you feel? You accused me of only loving Leo and I lost him. I know how you feel.”

“I don’t want to talk about him. I want you to leave.”

“Please talk to me.”

“About what? Its over, you made your choice. Don’t drag me into your attempt at redemption.”

“I don’t know what to do. I left to come back to you because I don’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s a little late for that.”

“How can I make it better?” she wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Tell me you'll stay with me.”

“I wish I could.”

“Why don’t you just go CJ? I'm sure Margaret will let you stay in her spare room.”

“Its storming; I am not leaving my own house. Not tonight. We can stay here like adults.”

Danny tried to get control of his thoughts. Finally he just nodded. It was over and he could not change it. He had to start the process of moving on with his life. He thought of packing up the house and moving back to DC. Maybe he would just leave the country; his former editor was always trying to get him to join the London bureau. A few years away might do him some good.

“I’ll sleep in the guest room.”

She didn’t get the chance to reply. He left her alone and CJ dug the papers from her purse. She wanted to sign them but the grounds bothered her so much. He wasn’t going to change them; he was angry and in pain. She dug out a pen, signed and slid them under his pillow. Wow, how could a marriage end so quickly? She tried to sleep but instead ending up listening to the rain falling hard on the bedroom window. 

Thinking about the past year…CJ didn’t want to think about the past year. It was terrible because she would have to repress her life without Leo in order to move on with him. She was going to work tomorrow. There were meetings, and people who needed her to do her job to the best of her ability. She would hang with Margaret and spend some quality time with her favorite little boy. She was anxious for Charlie to come home and be her right hand man. Maybe she felt so empty because she didn’t have him, not because she didn’t have Leo.

Just steps away from finally getting her life back, the former White House Chief of Staff was back at one. She wanted to call Leo but did not. He was there, he was alive and she knew it. She had to take care of herself and then she would be ready to move on with him. The thing that scared her the most was that she would never be ready and maybe the life she always wanted with Leo had run out of time. She was not the same woman that loved him in the White House, even though she would never stop having feelings for him.

***

“God knows how many years later and that is still one of the funniest movies I've ever seen.”

“30 years.” Jed replied, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. “Its 30 years old and still relevant. The funny thing is that it’s mostly the movies that highlight life’s utter insanity that still ring true.”

“Speaking of, I thought I’d watch Network.”

“I'm probably going to call it a night soon. Turn on CNN.”

“Jed…”

“C'mon, I've been here for five days and I have been tolerant of your news ban. I can't take it anymore. When I don’t get my news I feel lost.”

“You read the paper everyday.”

Jed punched his best friend’s arm. Leo dropped the remote, looking at him with wide eyes. Taking the remote, the former President turned the channel.

“You used to be a pacifist.” He muttered.

“If I cannot punch my best friend, who can I punch?” 

They sat back and watched the headlines. Two and a half weeks Leo McGarry had been back from the dead and it was already beginning to resonate. The world now knew of the new Cuban Democracy. The embargo ban had been lifted; the US was once again communicating with the country. Prisoners were released, families were reunited, and the new President, Ramon Batista, would be making a trip to Washington DC in the first week of December to sit down with President Santos. The Assistant Director of the CIA had resigned and a few high-ranking officials at the FBI were either fired or retired early. An eager press had followed Leo to Hawaii… apparently a picture of him drinking tea or walking the beach was worth quite a bit of money. Leo knew he was going to have to do the requisite interview sooner rather than later. 

He missed Margaret so much; no one was looking out for his interests. He was not going to get an agent or spokesperson. Leo did the work himself. He set up a primetime interview with Diane Sawyer. It would take place two weeks from today. He planned to put his whole year on the table before asking for his privacy. He wanted to spend the rest of his days in peace. He really needed CJ…no one could wade through the shark-infested waters of the media more than she could.

She did not attempt to reach him since she ran out of the Watergate that afternoon. He called her cell phone, hanging up before it rang more times than he could count. As much as he wanted and needed her, she asked for space. My God, wasn’t a year enough space? He did not need to go over this in his head for the hundredth time. It was only going to give him a headache and Leo had had enough of those to last a lifetime. 

He was supposed to be in Maui relaxing. Abbey subjected him to a full physical workup and a battery of tests before he and Jed left New Hampshire. Blood work, heart monitors, urine, endurance…he felt like the six million dollar man. They all breathed a sigh of relief when a virtual clean bill of health was returned.

“What are you thinking?”

“Huh?”

“Something is on your mind.”

“I'm fine.”

“I didn’t ask you if you were fine or not. I said something is on your mind.”

Leo shook his head though Jed knew he was lying and Leo knew he knew. At least they were on the same page.

“I'm going to call it a night.” Leo said. He stood and pretended to stretch.

“Are you still having difficulty sleeping?”

“Some. C’mon Jed, turn off the TV and lets call it a night.”

He agreed and they both headed to their bedrooms. Leo took hold of his hand, stopping Jed in his tracks.

“If she never comes back, can I go on?”

His best friend studied him with intense blue eyes. They seemed even bluer since Jed’s hair went white. When did they get old? So fresh in Leo’s memory were two young guys drinking scotch and beer on a boat watching the sunset. Sharing a cigarette and saying everything though not a word was spoken.

“She is coming back.” Jed replied.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Yes, it does.” Jed kissed his forehead. “Go to sleep.”

“Goodnight.”

Leo lay on his bed, unable to sleep for quite a while. He turned on his IPod, remembering the day CJ showed him how to work the thing. He made some comment about newfangled technology and that made her giggle. God, the idea that he would never hear that sound again made him ache. This time Leo did not abruptly hang up when her phone started to ring. It rang five times before voicemail picked up.

‘You’ve reached CJ Concannon. Leave a message and I’ll call you back. Thanks, bye.’

BEEP! “I miss you terribly and I love you more than that. I am still respecting your space but I wanted to call and tell you that. I wanted to call and say goodnight Claudia Jean. Bye.”

Leo flipped the cell phone closed. He was not expecting a return call but at least she would know. She would know that nothing would ever change his love for her. He would wait as long as she needed him to. He had already made her do it for a year.

***

Rain captured the city of San Francisco as October turned to November. The sky was grey and fat drops fell from the sky while CJ hovered near the front of her office building. She was dressed in a purple skirt, above the knee, and a white v-neck cashmere sweater. It was certainly silly that she did not wear a coat, even a sweater. The chill made her shiver but she tried to ignore it as the carbon monoxide filled her lungs.

“When is the last time you had a cigarette?”

She turned and looked at Margaret, ashing the Marlboro Mild before taking another puff.

“Honestly?”

“That’s the only way I like it.”

“The night Leo died. You were there then too.”

“It was one year ago today.”

“I know.” CJ nodded. She used one cigarette to light another and ignored Margaret’s mother hen look.

“He is not dead anymore.”

“I know. But you have to know how ridiculous that sounds.”

“Have you spoken to him? He is back from his trip to Maui with the President; settled into the Watergate for the time being.”

No matter how much time had passed, Margaret could not bring herself to call the man Jed Bartlet.

“No; he has called me twice now. I was not able to answer the phone when he called a few days ago.”

“Why?”

“I was making love to my husband.”

Margaret gasped. CJ looked at her, found it hard to meet those green eyes. Those eyes could see through everything and everyone.

“You want to tell me what happened.”

“Well, I slept with my husband Margaret. That is not out of the ordinary.”

“You need to tell me what happened. You signed the papers, he started to pack; it’s all but over.”

 

He called her a week after he left…had time to think and rationalize the situation. She wanted to know if he needed help packing, if he still wanted to leave the house. She could just as easily find an apartment. CJ wanted to be there for whatever he needed. Danny accepted her help and her invitation to come over that weekend. He showed up on Saturday and even though they were packing up everything he owned, even though their marriage was over, it almost felt like old times.

Danny put on the Notre Dame game…CJ rooted for Penn State though she didn’t care who won. She just liked to get Danny worked up. They drank plenty of beer but she would not go so far as to call it drunken sex. When Danny kissed her, she accepted it. As it turned more passionate, CJ wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. It wasn’t quick, frantic, or desperate. 

They made love right there on the floor, in the midst of newspaper, duct tape, packing peanuts, and string. The sad fact was that it was some of the best sex of their relationship. How was it that CJ could give her body completely to him as she snatched her heart away? Love could be as cruel and mirthless as it was beautiful and all encompassing. When it was over, he lingered inside her softly kissing her face. She had cried, and he gently wiped her tears with a loving hand.

“I love you so much.” He whispered.

“I love you too Danny. I really, really do.”

“Just not enough.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” He stroked her face before pulling out. “Better sooner than later I guess.”

 

“Do you know how surreal it is to watch your husband pull out, redress, and start to load his boxes into a U-Haul truck?” CJ asked.

“Sort of. It sounds like Bruno and I every time he comes to visit Brian.”

“At least he wants coffee and a bit of a cuddle. We’re going to have to switch it up from my love life to yours one of these days.”

“It’s freezing out here.” Margaret replied. “Stop smoking and come inside. Charlie bought Cinnabons.”

“The whole damn world is upside down Margaret.”

“It doesn’t have to be. Leo is alive and that is so amazing but you don’t have to give up everything for him. As much as he loved you, he could not do it for you. You have a great life here; you need to live it.”

CJ dropped her cigarette in the ashtray and looked at her Senior Executive Assistant.

“I never thought of it that way.”

“Well maybe you should start. That’s how I think about it when Bruno gets sentimental and says he wants to move here to be closer to the two of us. I can't, I won't, stop everything for him. I love him, but I am happy and if he wants to be a part of it then he knows where to find me. I didn’t have the epiphany overnight…it took time. Oh, and I don’t recommend anymore sympathy fucking with your soon-to-be ex-husband.”

CJ laughed, she always did when Margaret used colorful language. It wasn’t often but always giggle worthy. She slipped her arm in hers as they walked into the building.

“It was not a sympathy fuck by the way, it was breakup sex. Perfectly legitimate and above board.”

“Tell me anything.” Margaret poked her side.

“Did Charlie really get Cinnabons?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Extra frosting?”

“He knows what we like.”

“I love that kid. Oh God, he is not a kid anymore. What does that make us?”

“No comment.”

“Hey Margaret?”

They were in the elevator. The doors closed and the redhead pushed 21.

“Yeah?”

“Should I call Leo back?”

“He knows that you're doing fine if that concerns you.”

“How often do you talk to him?” CJ asked.

“Every single day. It’s like a ritual…Brian goes to bed, I pour a glass of wine and Leo calls. I practically have it timed.”

“Does he miss me?”

“That is a silly question. I must talk him down from coming out here everyday. If this corporate diva thing doesn’t work out, I definitely see a future as a therapist. Remember Mumford?”

“Oh yeah.” They got off the elevator, arms still linked. The office was full at midday, as usual. “Hey Margaret?”

“Yeah?”

“Next time, don’t talk him down.”

“If you want to see him you should tell him.”

“When has our thing ever been easy?”

“Have a Cinnabon sweetie, some coffee, and let it go for today. You have a conference call with Nadia Furstenberg from UNICEF in an hour.”

“It never ends.” CJ replied, exhaling.

“Not the good fight. Charlie, she’s back!”

“No more chain smoking!” he exclaimed from his office.

“Does two constitute…?” she leaned on his doorframe.

“Yeah, it does. Are you alright?”

She didn’t know why but she felt uncomfortable telling Charlie about the encounter with Danny. Surely she would lose her inhibition when she had her next 2:35am bout with insomnia. Charlie was always on the receiving end of that phone call. A long time ago it had been Toby. As much as she wanted to call him now, the time difference always got the best of her. That and she was still not sure she was ready to forgive him for the whole NASA leak thing. Everything was insane enough; he should have been there for her when she needed him. 

She commended him, loved him for what he did, but she felt as if he should have put her first. She felt she needed him more than a bunch of strangers on a space shuttle. There was enough guilt about that feeling to make the world go round. It might be better just to file the entire incident under shit about Toby that pissed her off but was no longer discussed. The Bartlet Administration was over, maybe it was time to let all of it go. Spending Hanukkah in New York City might be a really good idea.

“Just dandy Spark-a-doodle.”

“OK. You sure?”

CJ ran into his office, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

“I'm fine, and you are the absolute best. You know that?”

“Women tend to tell me that.”

“Oh yeah right. Don’t make me tell Zoey on you. I want you in on this UNICEF conference call.”

“Alright, I’ll be there. Are you sure you're OK?”

“Never better.” A slight lie but CJ did feel better than she had since that crazy day about three weeks ago. She wasn’t quite sure why she did but she did, and it was a great feeling.

***

“Hey there.”

“Hi.”

Josh walked over to the table. Leo stood and the two men embraced. Though late November was upon them, the weather had stabilized to something comfortable. Equinox was crowded tonight but that was nothing out of the ordinary. Josh ordered a glass of Keating ale from the server who came over to their table, asking for time to look at the menu. Leo was already drinking a Diet Coke.

“You look good; really good. How are you?”

“Alright.”

“So…you and Diane Sawyer?”

Leo grinned. When the server came back with the ale, he ordered the jumbo lump crab cakes with the broccoli salad. Josh still wasn’t sure but he followed his gut and chose the New York strip steak and steamed shrimp.

“It was a good interview; refreshing to get it off my back. It’s going to air next week on Primetime after the holiday. I believe it will fall under November sweeps.”

“Speaking of the holiday…”

“Were we?” Leo asked.

“Are you going to San Francisco to spend it with CJ?”

“No.”

“No?”

“It’s a one syllable word Josh, not that difficult to understand.”

“What's going on?”

“Nothing.” Leo sipped his soda.

“Not true. That is definitely not true. Come to think it of it, yeah, I talk to CJ once a week and she never mentions you. I thought to bring it up but something stopped me.”

“Propriety?” Leo asked.

“It seems as if she does her very best to avoid the subject. Do you know how busy she is? When I found out what happened between her and Danny I didn’t think anything was wrong with her burying herself in her work.”

“You really talk to her once a week? What happened with her and Danny?”

He didn’t want to have to squeeze information from Josh but since the younger man started it, Leo would see what he could find out. He knew Margaret was tiring of being his Switzerland.

“He filed for divorce. They are trying, but I don’t think its going to work. It’s so sad too. After what we all went through in the end, I thought they were so good for each other.”

“Trying?” Leo’s mouth went dry. “Reconciliation?”

“Who knows?” Josh shrugged. “They both seem so confused and I was sure that they were so right. I'm sorry Leo, I know how you feel about her but you were gone. None of us ever thought we would be faced with something like this. Donna talks to CJ more often than I do. I am amazed at her ability to run the First Lady’s office as she does and still keep contact with everyone. She even has an email thing going with Toby. She misses them all.”

“I know the feeling.” Leo mumbled. “Are you two staying in town for the holiday?”

It was still hard for Leo to swallow the whole Josh/Donna scenario. He watched them dance around each other for about nine years, each getting into a string of potentially successful relationships that always seemed to fail. He did not think they were quite right for each other, which did not mean that what they had wasn’t good. People would probably think the same thing about he and CJ. CJ even seemed to be thinking it right now.

She had gone back to her husband. Margaret said the divorce was rolling along but now Josh thought they might be attempting reconciliation. If she wanted Leo wouldn’t she at least have called? Maybe she decided that the life she led, while not all she wanted it to be, was better than jumping without a parachute. No one looked more forward to the end of their White House run than CJ. Privacy was something she craved these days like oxygen. She was not going to get that with Leo, at least not right now.

“We are, and I am extending an invitation to you. Don’t try to get out of it by saying you're going to Mallory’s; I know she’ll be in Philadelphia with her in-laws.”

“Josh…”

“What?” their food arrived and Josh was glad for the decision he made. “I refuse to let you spend anymore time alone in that hotel suite. You're alive again Leo…act like it. Donna is making a turkey but it’s a potluck. Everyone will be there, Sam and his fiancée, Bram, Lou, Hogan Cregg. Did I tell you Donna got her a job in the First Lady’s office? She is a really great kid. Ainsley will be there and I think she is bringing Cliff Calley though I am prepared to swallow that. There will be no politics; Donna made me promise. Just football, beer, and people who love each other like family. There is plenty to be thankful for this year.”

“Will Annabeth be there?” Leo asked.

“Sure. She…oh, well she will probably avoid you.”

“Probably. Manchester was awkward.”

“Leo, you do oblivious well sometimes, but you really didn't know?”

“That she had feelings for me? I suspected a crush but I thought it better not to make it the subject of conversations. We were trying to win an election.”

Josh nodded. He decided not to bring up that most of the staff thought the two of them were having a fling. Annabeth did nothing to make them think otherwise. Everyone was having one, why should Leo have been different?

“Well, if you aren’t there on Thursday Donna will be mad at you. Not a good place to be, my friend, let me tell you.”

“I will be there.”

“Promise?”

“What are you, five?”

“Promise.” his tone was more demanding.

“I promise. Hey, the next time you talk to CJ would you tell her that I said hello?”

“You are going to have to call her eventually.”

“She asked for space and I am trying to obey her wishes.”

“Good luck with that.”

***

The gay familiarity of her laughter filled his senses as he made his way to Charlie’s balcony. Dinner was over and guests were having drinks and chatting away the lovely but chilly evening. Jed followed the sound until he saw her and Bruno Gianelli. They were standing a bit too close as she sipped wine and he smoked a cigarette. He would say something witty or flirty’ she would laugh and give as she got. 

It was harmless because anyone who stayed in a room with Bruno longer than ten minutes knew that he only loved one woman. He loved Margaret more than anyone, including the man himself, thought he was capable. Still, whenever CJ was around he went back into hunter mode. The harmless hunter, but hunter nonetheless. It was a Bruno thing.

“Excuse me, am I interrupting?”

Jed Bartlet walked out onto the balcony. He smiled at the two of them as Bruno took a step away from her.

“No.” Bruno shook his head. “Just enjoying the evening air. How are you, Mr. President?”

“Well, thank you.” He sat on the bench. “Brian looks more like you everyday.”

“That seems to be the general consensus. Thank you sir.”

“When do you plan to marry his mother?”

Bruno laughed a bit, saw he was serious, stopped and looked at CJ.

“How come I never noticed his forwardness before?” the strategist asked.

“Don’t know; I thought you were a smart guy.”

“Me too. Mr. President, I will marry Margaret as soon as she accepts.”

“Bruno, do you mind if I talk to CJ alone?”

“Certainly not. Excuse me.”

CJ stopped him, taking the lighter from his inside jacket pocket before letting him go. Jed watched him go before focusing on his former Press Secretary and Chief of Staff.

“It’s chilly out here.” Jed said. “You think California goes hand and hand with sun and surf.”

“Southern California sir. We get all kinds of crazy weather off the water but I doubt if it ever goes below 50 here.” CJ replied, lighting her cigarette. She had been leaning on the habit for the past couple of weeks but knew she would have to quit soon.

“What's happening with you and Leo?”

OK, he planned to beat around the bush but it did not work out that way. That was probably for the best.

“I do not think it’s a good idea to tangle yourself in this mess.” CJ said. “It is complicated enough.”

“You're breaking his heart. The man loves you more than life itself.”

“If only that were really true.” She mumbled.

“What? You CJ, you were the one he rushed back to. Not me, not even Mallory…he had to see you. When you showed up in Manchester, I admit I had concerns, but you were both so content. Then he calls and tells me you have just left. You left a note. You will not return his phone calls and now I am hearing that you may be reconciling with Danny. Not that I have anything against Danny of course, but…”

“You're hearing rumors about me?” CJ asked, cutting him off. “What the hell is that?”

“Leo is miserable without you.”

“Oh yeah Jed, because I am singing show tunes over here. I want you to stay out of this!”

She hadn't meant to raise her voice but CJ was getting angry. How many people were talking about this and who were they talking to? Her personal life did not need to be up for discussion. She was an important person; becoming more important by the day. The last thing she needed was to be fodder for TMZ. Her job was too vital to her and the people of Africa.

Frank called her the other day. He was whale watching the Arctic…CJ couldn’t believe he got service out there. He wanted to know how she was doing. Would she be available for dinner when he came to the Bay Area in December? He never made it a secret that he found CJ Cregg to be a beautiful and intriguing woman. He didn’t want to be a lifelong bachelor…finding an amazing woman to spend his life with was a worthy cause.

However, he knew that she could do more on his side in this momentous business venture. A fleeting, sexual affair, though he was sure it would be good for what it was, would produce little. They settled into a nice friendship that they both wanted to build on. Frank considered CJ quite valuable to him and vice-versa.

“Upsetting you was never my intention.” Jed said.

“Oh really?” That didn’t matter because she already was.

“Claudia Jean…”

“Dad, you should come inside. Its chilly out here.”

Here came Charlie, her knight in shining armor. Jed looked at the young man and knew he was serious. Still, he tried his luck again.

“CJ and I are just chatting.”

“Charlie’s right, it is chilly out here. Our conversation is over; believe me.”

Jed was reluctant but he did what they asked. CJ watched him walk away and knew she was going to have to face it all eventually. She was doing the best she could right now.

“Are you alright?” Charlie asked. “I noticed your body language change a mile away.”

“He ganged up on me but I told him to butt out. I'm sure he won't listen but I am OK.”

“You want me to stay while you smoke that cigarette burning a hole in your pocket?”

“No, go in and be a good host. I will be in soon.”

“You sure?”

She nodded and Charlie went back to the party. After watching him with his wife for a few minutes, she took the Camel Turkish Jade Bruno gave her and lit it. Ah, menthol never failed to open her brain. Pulling her Razor phone from the pocket of her slacks, CJ dialed the number.

‘This is Leo McGarry, please leave a message.’ BEEP!

“Hi, its CJ. I wanted to say hello and to tell you happy Thanksgiving. I know its been a while since we’ve talked but I'm still working through all of this. I…I do miss you and it would be great to just talk. Goodnight.”

She needed to get back to the party. Real life beckoned and CJ was ready to answer the call.

***

“We've got to stop meeting like this.”

Danny could barely mumble the words as CJ’s tongue slipped between his lips. He pulled her into the hotel suite and helped her out of her suede and lambs wool coat. As it hit the floor, CJ slid out of her Gucci shoes, which brought her down an inch and a half. Her height didn’t matter one bit to Danny…he loved that she was an Amazon. She pulled his long sleeved tee shirt over his head as he lips focused on her neck. He knew the exact spot to make her whimper. When he nipped it, CJ’s knees buckled. Danny circled one arm around her waist…didn’t want her to fall on the floor. Of course, he knew the routine.

If she fell on the floor then they would do it on the floor. Nothing was going to stop them from achieving their end. Their need for each other was almost animalistic. As they moved backwards toward the bedroom, Danny stumbled but did not fall. That caused his lover to laugh, which he kissed away. They didn't say a single word.

In the bedroom, CJ pulled herself out of his embrace and slid onto the bed. Her boat-neck sweater went over her head. She undid her blue jeans, sliding them down her long legs. The sheer black panties were right behind. Danny mimicked her moves; Hanes tee shirt, khakis, socks, and boxers. He joined her on the bed. Helping her out of her bra, his mouth immediately found her breasts. He was gentle, then not so gentle. CJ cried out. Her hands moved through his red hair as she moaned his name. 

Danny’s mouth parted from her skin. He touched the slight marks he left behind with tender fingers. CJ grabbed him, thrusting her tongue into his mouth. She was not in the mood to be gentle. Her mouth moved down his body. His neck, shoulders, chest (paying special attention to his sensitive nipples), stomach, pelvis, and across his groin. Danny’s hips thrust upward as her tongue moved across his erection. He was not the largest man she’d ever been with, or the smallest. Danny was average…just average.

Her mouth was so hot; Danny had to grip the bed sheets so he wouldn’t detonate. It was not as if he didn’t like being on the receiving end of this attention, it was always amazing. They didn’t do it much when they were married. She tried, for sure; CJ was never shy about what she wanted sexually. Sometimes Danny would let her and other times he would steer her elsewhere. He could never really answer why but now that it was over, he was happy about the decision he made.

One hand found the back of her head. Danny pressed down on the auburn waves as CJ sucked him fiercely. He could no longer hold back the tidal wave of passion and emotion.

“CJ, CJ, oh, ohhh, Claudia Jean, dear God!”

She hardly gave him a chance to recover. He could sleep it off later. She was in his arms again, kissing and caressing. He never liked the taste of himself on her mouth, but Danny was not prepared to stop to ask her to gargle. She rolled on her stomach; he knew the signal. He sprinkled kisses from the nape of her neck down. Across her shoulder blades, down her spine, and over her buttocks. She sighed contently as he stroked the soft skin with his hands, kissed it with his lips, and bathed it with his tongue.

“Mmm…Danny.” She threw her head back, biting her lip.

His body lingered over hers, spreading her legs with his knee. His hand crept around to caress her stomach. CJ wondered if he could feel the butterflies there. It definitely wasn’t nerves; she had no apprehension about what was taking place. As she pushed upward, Danny slid into her from behind. They both sighed, moving slowly against each other. It didn’t take long for CJ to need more…to demand it.

“More, more honey, fuck me harder!”

Danny could hear his groin slapping against her ass as he thrust into her. He loved doing it this way, couldn’t explain why. With CJ, it was so damned good. She moved her legs even further apart, crying out as he hit her favorite spot. There was so much he wanted to say as he fucked her silly. He wanted to tell her how good it felt; how good it always felt. He wanted to tell her how intoxicating she smelled and how frenzied her cries made him. Danny remained silent. As he felt himself falling, he clung to her and never wanted to let go.

“Oh God.” He finally groaned, rolling off her and onto his back.

They were both breathing hard on the bed. CJ’s eyes were closed but she was not asleep. In a matter of moments, she was over him again. Her hands stroked his erection back to life. It never took much with her; the woman never ceased to get him hot. She straddled him, teasing her body with his until she sat on him. Danny just looked at her as she rode him. His hands rested on her hips but CJ was definitely running the show. It was slow and sensual because they both knew that was the way he liked it. He loved the way her back curved; the way beads of sweat formed on her stomach.

“Goddamn.” He said through clenched teeth.

He pulled her down and CJ tucked her legs so he could roll them over. In and out, out and in, CJ clutched his back as he brought them to a breathtaking climax.

“I'm leaving.”

He didn’t know how much time had gone by before he spoke. They were both naked, CJ’s head rested on his stomach. His hand absently ran through her hair. He couldn’t help it; if she was close, he wanted to touch her.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“London. Pete Timmons wanted an experienced writer for the Post bureau over there, handling international politics. The world is exciting right now. I need to get the hell out of this vicious cycle we’re in.”

“It is unhealthy, isn’t it?”

“Extremely. Why is our sex life better in this purgatory than it ever was in our marriage?”

CJ shrugged. She climbed off the bed, covering her nudity with his tee shirt. 

“How’s Leo doing?” he asked.

“I don’t…we don’t have to talk about that. Its really complicated.”

“Well I'm going to make it easier. I'm leaving in three days.”

“So soon? Why are you just now telling me?”

“What does it matter?”

“Danny, don’t be that way. It matters to me.”

“I'm just saying…were you going to try and convince me to stay? Is there something I need to stay for?”

She didn’t answer and Danny didn't push. They both knew the true response whether she was ready to say it or not. He came down to the bottom of the bed, enveloping her in his arms.

“Are you hungry?”

“Dinner sounds alright. Why do you tolerate me?”

“Well, I don’t have to for much longer. In addition to you now officially being my ex-wife, I am about to become an expatriate.”

“I would hate me if I were you.”

“That is why you are not me. We’ll get some food and you'll feel better.”

“Really?”

“Mmm hmm.”

CJ didn’t know if that were possible. She ran so hot and cold lately; didn't know if she would ever be alright again. She just had to keep going. Danny kissed the nape of her neck and she caressed his hands.

“I love you Claudia Jean.”

“I love you too.”

***

“The whole time?”

“Yeah.”

“Really…the whole time?”

“It happened for the first time a week after I got back into town.”

Charlie shook his head, grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl between them. It was a Wednesday night, after midnight. CJ sat in Charlie’s kitchen listening to the rain fall outside. She wondered how long it would take her to tell him everything, now she had her answer. While she did not give him the dirty details of every encounter, CJ told him the absolute truth. It felt as if cinder blocks had been lifted from her back.

“The affair…God it seems insane to call it that. The thing, Charlie, it was more spicy and blissful than our marriage. Tell me how fucked up that is.”

“While its not exactly something to write home about, its obvious if you think clearly.”

“Impart your wisdom upon me Spark-a-doodle.”

“I will be glad to as long as you stop calling me that.”

“Yeah right.”

“OK, you and Danny had some secret crush thing almost since the beginning. You got really good at looks and maybe a few moments behind closed doors that people were not aware of. In the light of day, you are two different people. I think what he offered you was sweet but the person he was offering it to was not the same.”

“Do you know that you are not the first person to tell me that?” CJ asked.

“Well, I won't pretend to hold a record on being super smart or anything. Why are you so dressed up? Usually when I get these visits, especially on a rainy night, its sweats and sneakers.”

“Franklin Hollis took me to dinner tonight.”

“Should I pick up the want ads in the morning?”

“Oh please, we are doing an amazing job. The New Year’s Eve fundraiser is going to take us into the stratosphere. He is very impressed with the work, the group we've assembled, and he probably wants to sleep with me.”

“Damn girl, you're beating them off with a stick.”

CJ laughed, slapping his arm. He told her she looked good and CJ could only smile. For the dinner, she went for the red slacks and a black sleeveless top with a mock turtleneck. It may have been chilly outside but CJ was hot. He would not be surprised if Frank Hollis got a little tongue-tied.

“What are you going to do about Leo?” Charlie asked.

“Let me just say I truly appreciate that it took you the longest time to ask me that.”

“You're welcome.”

“I called him on Thanksgiving; left a message. He called me back and did the same. It is known in layman’s terms as phone tag. I don’t know.”

“You're not in love with him anymore?”

“A year has passed, if I'm honest with myself and I'm always honest with you, we were strained when he “died”. He ran for Vice-President without my blessing Charlie. All that time in the White House, when I thought I couldn’t do it anymore, he made me promises. We made each other promises. After his heart attack, he reaffirmed his promises to us. At least I thought he did. As soon as Josh told him the party needed him, off he went. What was I supposed to do…the Vice-President of the United States does not take a lover.”

“Yeah.” Charlie nodded. “Now he wants you to drop everything and be with him.”

“I don’t think he wants me to drop everything. He just wants to love me; I know that. He is back in my life and now that the smoke has cleared, I feel…”

“Resentment? Anger? Confusion?”

“Yes please.” CJ laughed a bit as she finished her beer. “I just don’t know how much time I have. Do I have time for indecision?”

They were quiet for a while. CJ looked at her watch; she needed to go home and get some sleep.

“I'm going to spend Christmas in New York with Toby.” she said.

“That’s good. Though you will certainly be missed here.”

“Thanks. I just need to spend some time with him. So much happened during the last year and a half, after Leo’s heart attack and the President’s prolonged illness. I think I need to try to move past it. I thought I had but when Leo walked back into my life, it came back with a vengeance. I have to stop running Charlie; I'm getting really tired.”

“What are you saying?”

“I'm going layover in DC for a couple of days before I get to New York.”

“I think that’s a good idea. Are you staying tonight?”

“No.” she shook her head. “Its sad, but I'm starting to find your guest room rather comfortable. I need to get out of your hair.”

“You,” he reached across the table for her hand. “are never a bother and you know that. Zo and I love to have you.”

“I know.” She stood, then leaned over to kiss his head. “Kiss my godson for me. I will see you in the morning.”

“Not until after 10. I'm going with Zoey to Eli’s checkup.”

She gave him the OK sign, waving once more before heading for the door. They shared a hug at the front door and Charlie made sure she was safe in the cab before closing and locking the front door. He went upstairs, kissed his baby, and crawled into bed with his wife.

“Is CJ alright?” she asked, smiling when she felt Charlie’s arms around her.

“She’s gonna be. Go back to sleep sweetheart. All is about to be right with the world.”

“I'm glad to hear it.”

***

“Hi.”

Leo took a deep breath, holding out his hands. CJ quickened her steps to meet him and when she took his hands, she felt an almost electric jolt that made her feel more alive than she had in weeks.

“Hello there beautiful.”

He pulled her close, their lips touching for just an instant. CJ immediately found herself wanting more but she shook it off.

“You look fantastic.” Leo said.

They were still holding hands as they made their way to a semi-secluded booth in Firefly. CJ wore a long sleeved red dress with a deep v-neck, accented with a white rose over her breast. Red high heels made her 6’2" and Leo thought she was absolutely and completely perfect. She smelled wonderful too…she never failed to give him the whole package. After being seated, they were silent until the server arrived to tell them the specials and the extensive wine list. CJ ordered a glass of Sauvignon Blanc while Leo went for iced tea. Alone again, he looked at her but she didn’t quite look back.

“So tell me what’s…”

“I've been thinking about…”

They spoke at the same time and that caused a bit of nervous laughter, which was followed by more silence.

“How have you been?” CJ asked, getting her voice back just as her wine arrived.

Both she and Leo stated they needed more time to look at the menu though for a while it went untouched. CJ was starting to wonder if having this reunion in public was such a good idea.

“You first. Tell me everything you’ve done. I've thought of you constantly and I know I left several voicemail messages for you. Believe me when I say I did not follow my heart. My heart said to call you twice a day.”

“My story is a long one Leo. It has funny bits, heartbreaking moments, gratuitous sex scenes, boring parts in the middle...I don’t know if you want to hear it.”

“Claudia Jean, I want to hear every word.”

So she talked. She talked through a delicious dinner, sinful dessert, and straight on through coffee. She told him about rainy days, work, projects for 2008, beer and Chinese with her staff, how the new girl at the office reminded her of a young, eager Donnatella Moss, Thanksgiving, every encounter with Danny, jogging, sleepless nights, babysitting Brian, stargazing with Charlie; nothing was off limits as she dissected the last almost two months of her life. Leo never interrupted, he just listened and watched as the heavy weights she carried fell off like shackles. He took her hand.

“I love you.” He said.

“I love you too.”

“Its been a crazy time for all of us. I know it seems silly for me to keep apologizing since it was not really my fault, but I am so sorry CJ. It hurts that my return was the cause of pain for you instead of celebration.”

“Well it is partially your fault.” She replied.

“I'm sorry?”

“Leo, you decided to run for Vice-President. I didn’t want that; I wanted everything you had promised me. You seemed to disregard that when you walked out on stage. If you would have been a regular citizen maybe they would have just asked you instead of stolen your life. I would have waited a year if I knew you were coming back to me. I think if we are going to do this then we need to face that. I'm not trying to blame you Leo because what happened to you was wrong, but you did set the wheels in motion for it to happen. Even if you had no idea that it would.”

He could see how CJ would look at everything that happened through that lens. She made her feelings known immediately when he decided to run…it left their relationship all but destroyed. She had no intention of spending the next four years in the White House. Too much had happened and she needed to run.

“Even if I would have lived…I am alive CJ. I have to try to remember not to talk about myself in past tense. You didn’t want to be Second Lady.”

“No.” she shook her head. “You would have been there though; a phone call away. Can we not talk about this anymore? I'm not sure we will ever be able to reconcile when happened to us and between us. Its just too fucked up. There are never going to be answers to my questions and I will have to be able to accept that and move on.”

Leo nodded, though he didn’t say a word. He was not sure where she was emotionally. He was still reeling from the phone call a few nights ago that she would be in town for a couple of days on her way to New York.

“So what are your plans while in town?” he asked.

“Lunch with Josh and Donna; I hope Sam will be joining us before he goes to California for the holiday. I’ll probably do some shopping. I didn’t plan anything special.”

“God, I love you.”

“You’ve already said that.” CJ didn’t bother to hide her smile.

“I meant it then…I mean it now.”

“Why don’t we get out of here?”

“Where are you staying tonight?” Leo asked.

“I figured I could just crash at your suite. I mean, I wasn’t assuming anything but…”

“Don’t be silly. I have a big bed and a lovely spare room. You are always welcome. CJ, I…”

“What?”

“I hate that you live so far away. We need to be closer, and it is not my intention to push you into something you're not comfortable with. Its just that you and I, 3,000 miles apart, is not good for me. You and I apart in any way, shape or form is not good for me.”

“I like the idea of you moving to the Bay Area. The weather is fantastic, even when its not, and there are people out there who love you a lot.”

Leo was not sure what the future held though. Alive again barely two months, he was beating back government and corporate offers. Arnold Vinick wanted him at the State Department. Michael Bloomberg wanted to give him millions of dollars to solve world hunger. Important figures in the party wanted him to replace the outgoing Vice-Chairman of the DNC. He was 61 years old and while most men his age were planning retirement, Leo thought about the next step. He wasn’t ready to hang up his hat…he was being heralded as saving democracy because of the Cuba situation.

“I've gotten job offers.” He said. “Some would like me to stay in DC. Others allow me to live anywhere I’d like.”

“Well two days after Christmas I have to go home. There is a very large ball that I have every intention of making a success.”

“I'm thinking you will need an escort to such a ritzy event.” Leo said, grinning.

“I've gotten plenty of offers. Rich, handsome, eligible men…no one was my cup of tea.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

“I'm still flying solo.”

“I've checked my Blackberry; I'm free that night.”

“Hmm, you don’t say.”

“I would be honored to have you on my arm.”

“I couldn’t possibly say no to such a heartfelt statement. There will however, under no circumstances, be sex for you at the end of the night.”

“You know me Claudia Jean, I prefer mornings with you anyway.”

“Yeah. Lets go back to the Watergate. I want to get out of these clothes; into one of your tee shirts. I want to watch something good on TV, or something really bad, curled in your arms. I want to smell your skin…I want to taste your skin.”

“I think there is plenty of tasting to go around.”

She nodded, wearing that smile that made his knees weak.

“I just need to say something.”

“Anything baby.”

“You have no intention of taking the State Department position.” She said.

“Don’t I?”

“Uh uh, no. The Vice-Chairman post is something you would thrive in. You will move to San Francisco and you will and I will finally have a chance to make a go at a life together. I'm putting my foot down Leo McGarry. This may be our last chance and I won't let anyone take this opportunity from me. That includes you pal.”

“I completely understand and respect your position.” He replied. "I also love you very, very much."

“So, take me home and show me how much my commanding side turns you on.”

Leo held up his hand to flag their server.

“Check please.”

***


End file.
